I’m in a tornado. What was once valuable is now pulverized into the shards that whip by, slicing my skin.
You are merely the dust in the aftermath that stings my eyes.
My heart is swollen, lonely, and atrophied.
All I can think is, “How dare you.”
As a young adult, I learned that you can’t share your fetishes with people you don’t completely trust. I drew this conclusion after Eric and I were over, and I weaved in and out of several short relationships. I would feel embarrassed about having shown a guy my lingerie and/or sex toys, and eventually would come to regret fucking them at all.
Afterword, I reserved my kink (primarily) for those with whom I had a strong connection and a high degree of trust.
Apparently, I lost my grip. In a sickeningly Hollingsworthesque moment of weakness, I’ve been a fool. Showed my weirdo cards to someone who truly would never respect me or make a commitment to me. Now, I’m learning the same lesson all over again. Maybe this time it will stick. I’ve got to get this guy away from me before he ruins my semester.
I feel like there’s no way I’m going to get this job making $27.50 an hour and I almost feel like I wish I’d never heard about it, because making over 50 grand a year would solve most of my problems.
It’s a lot like how some part of me instantly wants to push away anyone I’m interested in now, like this is all the culmination of the world turning me hard. The bitterness stealing my sweetness.
I’m afraid I’m going to latch onto every girl who pays me the slightest amount of attention, shows me the smallest acts of kindness, because I’ve been so mistreated in the past and women are just so damn easy to love in the first place.
I’d rather download Tinder again and act emotionally stunted about it just because I ~feel~ some type of way and am so afraid of being hurt and rejected that I’d rather hurt myself before someone else can again.
Smart? Or becoming everything I hated?
Why is it that most 5ks seem to cater to rather right-wing (for lack of a better term) agendas/ charities/ causes/ etc.?
It’s quite interesting, as many stereotypes would have you believe that a bunch of vegan liberal pussies are the ones all aboard the gay-ass health boat (bare with my intense exaggerations here lol).
It’s not so much that I’m mad that yet another 5k for some police department exists (yo, they’re allowed) or that my options for what my money goes toward if I wanna run a race are rather often that or a church…
What I’m mad about it that organizations like one I stumbled across today, Black Girls Run, are such a minority with this type of thing that it’s ridiculous. So races that cater to other mindsets…
Where’s my 5k for BLM? More 5ks for non-profits? 5k for Feminism, because alliteration. Annual Gay Pride 5k? Muffdiver Marathon? 10k for Titties (for the lude motherfuckers like myself out there who also like to run and donate to breast cancer research).
And last but never least, more races that reward us with beer. It’s the best thing us lude motherfuckas got going for us.