Alles gute

Accepting everything I am (as well as everything I have been) will take a special person.

A heart of gold,

balls of steel.

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Although I know it’s true, Facebook has never outright admitted that their algorithm knows our current crush and also who we will have a crush on in the future (or who we would crush on if we met them). 

While this is embarrassing, it also means their dating app would rule

All kinds of A’s

Q. What’s up with sober sex?
A. Elusive as is may be, sober sex can actually be awesome! Without a crutch like alcohol, it can lead to a deeper connection and emotional bond. Scary, but with enough warming up, totally worth it.

Q. What if mike is totally freaked out by my naked body?
A. For starters, he won’t be. But for the sake of argument, if someone was freaked out by your naked body, they aren’t mature or enlightened enough to be having sex in the first place. Short of having, like, six sets of green nipples and flaccid dicks for toes, all bodies really are fine the way they are and it’s about damn time to recognize it, yo.

Q. What if the sex is bad or awkward?
A. It’s all a matter of opinion. Don’t freak yourself out by overthinking it. Go into it with the intent to just have fun and you’ll automatically exude more confidence, thus making it better. If it gets too awkward, don’t be afraid to laugh.

Q. Why do I need the security of being in a relationship to have sex?
A. Because men aren’t to be trusted? Just kidding [kind of].
Maybe because our generation points us toward believing that casual sex is the norm; while I wouldn’t shame anyone for doin’ their own damn thing, it should also be noted that there’s nothing wrong with adopting a more “traditional” view of sex that puts you at a better advantage (take it from the person who has experimented with open relationships, is currently dating a woman 10 years older… you know…).

Ew more Qs

Moving on to the next round of questions

What’s up with sober sex? What if mike is totally freaked out by my naked body? What if the sex is bad or awkward? Why do I need the security of being in a relationship to have sex? 

Whether or not he actually wants to be with me is important.

I would almost rather never talk to him again than learn to cope with these kinds of thoughts. 

 

Answers 4 Margie

Q. What if I say something stupid Or have already unknowingly done so? 

A. If you can recover from pee-farting in her presence, you can overcome saying something stupid.

Q. What if I act awkward when I first see her at the airport? 

A. You’ll be happy & glowing. It won’t be awkward. 

Q. Is it too over the top to kiss her like I mean it right then and there? 

A. No. Kiss the girl! 

Q. What do I wear? 

A. Whenever possible, nothing. Otherwise, you have a great personal style, so rock that.

Q. What if I opt to drink on my flight and drink too much– or worse, not enough? 

A. She’s seen you drunk. She knows you aren’t a lush. You’re quite the charming drunk, so err on the side of too much.

Q. What if I say the L word and she doesn’t say it back? 

A. Say it when you’re drunk. If she doesn’t say it back, magically forget. It’s unlikely that she’s not going to say it back. 

Q. Can I die from finding someone incredibly smokin’ hot? 

A. Her heat hasn’t killed you yet 

Q. What if I do get my period? 

A. Remember the time I sent you the pic that Matthew sent me of the bloody handprints on his walls? My expert advice here is: lay down a towel & but a magic eraser. 

Q. Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret.
A. Don’t know about him, but I’ll totally be here if you need salvation when you return. 

You are going to have a wonderful time. 

Q (No A)

What if I say something stupid? Or have already unknowingly done so? What if I act awkward when I first see her at the airport? Is it too over the top to kiss her like I mean it right then and there? What do I wear? What if I opt to drink on my flight and drink too much– or worse, not enough? What if I say the L word and she doesn’t say it back? Can I die from finding someone incredibly smokin’ hot? What if I do get my period? Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret.