Not literally you

What I mean to say before (each time) I’m overcome with weakness  is, “It’s ok for you to put your needs first; it’s just that I must do the same. Thusly, you are not what I need right now. You are counterproductive to my happiness.” But see, my humanity would cease to exist without you. You are what I anticipate. You are the shift in my mood. 

I am weakened on both sides; I am too weak to let go or to hang on. So I dangle in this cross breeze where you hurt me, by accident, and I allow myself to feel stupid for wanting. 


Police presence

One day while I was living in Berlin, some friends convinced me to smoke pot in a local park. Eventually, it became evening, and I had to get myself home. Certain subway stations would decrease the times they picked up at night. Once I reached the nearest station, I missed the passing train, which meant I had to wait about 30 minutes for another.

As I sat on a bench staring at the wall in a stoner-stupor, a man with a suitcase followed by a policeman with his giant German shepherd darted past me. The man was tackled to the ground and arrested for drugs, I assume.

I was totally freaked out and too high to be sure if my reaction to the event would seem normal… Or if it was obvious that I was a criminal, too.