What I mean to say before (each time) I’m overcome with weakness is, “It’s ok for you to put your needs first; it’s just that I must do the same. Thusly, you are not what I need right now. You are counterproductive to my happiness.” But see, my humanity would cease to exist without you. You are what I anticipate. You are the shift in my mood.
I am weakened on both sides; I am too weak to let go or to hang on. So I dangle in this cross breeze where you hurt me, by accident, and I allow myself to feel stupid for wanting.