Heyyy bitches

Being home alone would be more fun
if I were getting dick
On the low
Because I am not responsible enough to keep a boyfriend alive.
Food, water, snuggles…
Give me liberty or give me death.


Re: offensive compliments

Can’t help you. Being appropriate isn’t my strong suit.

You don’t talk funny.

The scream comment- Wtf does that even mean? I think I would’ve asked them a million questions until they realized that their foot was in their mouth, then put my foot up their ass.

The witch one doesn’t feel like an insult to me because I saw Wicked on Broadway; witches have swag.

RE: Weird Thoughts; RE:RE: Getting Old; etc.

1. 3 isn’t always better.
2. Possums are scary. You figured out why. Plus their devilish, roach-like swiftness.

3. That’s probably what “tbh” means, despite me assuming it was “to be honest.” I make a lot of assumptions, tbh.
Though, as a wise man once said, “semantics.” ~Early Cuyler, redneck squid. Squidbillies.


4. What’s the proper response to compliments that are a bit dickish in nature? For example(s): “you look like a sexy version if the wicked witch,” “you look like that mask from scream, but you so gawjus!” or “you kinda remind me of Drew Barrymore because you talk funny. But it’s cute.”

Not really mad, because Drew Barrymore was such a babe back in the day, and thinking about her led me to this babely picture.


Weird thoughts

1.) The statistic about most accidents happening within a 15 mile radius of peoples’ residence is obvious. Why not say,¬† “Most people die in their home town.” That’s where most people spend the majority of their time.
2.) Possums look like a rat-wolf hybrid.
3.) Why is a series of three always better?