“WOKE”

I’m so glad I turned out gay (the former statement could stand alone, but I’m going to keep going) and, despite sometimes feeling pretty damn lonely and isolated, feel like a part of some group by default —

Instead of being the kind of person who is so desperate to be a part of something they’re a member of at least 10 Facebook groups that are essentially all “Crunchy WOKE mamas// FLAT earther, ANTIVaxx & CHRIST follower!! 🙌🙏 STAY WOKE 👏”

Dear fucking tits.

I often wonder how I managed to become to type of person I am despite the vast majority of my family and the peers I grew up around in Ashville, AL being SUCH fucking morons.

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Re-body hair 

Why did we ever abandon our nature? The female body grows hair. People are stupid.

Also, I never shave above the knee. No one has ever commented on this. I think you’ve dated several people who empower themselves by belittling others. 

2018: no mean bitches 

Ps: when you mentioned an asshole, male friend who shaves his balls I barfed in my mouth a little (picturing Tyler). 

One of the many beauties of being a teenager is the inability to perceive the longevity of life.

They’re at an age where, when something terrible happens, it feels like the end of the world. They are untouched by the reality that life goes on no matter how bad things get. Unless you die. 

This all sounds really macobre, which isn’t the point. I was reading about the bombs in Austin, TX, thinking what would happen if my sister or Leigh got blown up by a parcel? I envisioned myself crying and drinking wine with my sister with the knowledge that my role would be helping her carry on…

Because life doesn’t just end like a movie.

Body hair, don’t care.

I recently said to a male friend, “It really riles me up when a man criticizes a woman for having armpit hair.”

To which he said, “Armpit hair is gross.” Then he tacked on a little, “On both men and women.”

He has armpit hair. He used this as an opportunity to brag about shaving his balls, for whatever reason.

I’d just seen a video of a woman [I regarded as rather gorgeous] dancing, appearing to have a grand ol’ time, and just so happening to have visible armpit hair while doing so. Several of my friends were sharing it, but we already know it wasn’t because this lady had some pretty rad dance skills.

Sometimes I actually almost forget so many people are so unnecessarily critical of women. I’ve become good at having tunnel vision and my tunnel excludes an ex-boyfriend who told me I “couldn’t” shave a portion of my head or neglect to shave my underarms or legs. “I will leave you if you ever stop shaving,” he had said. Or an uncle who called 3rd-grade-me a gorilla at the sight of the almost-black curls of hair starting to appear on my legs. A girl on my cheer squad who pointed out my pubic hair in front of all the other girls in the locker room– “ew, you need to shave all that shit.” Our ages ranged from 12 to 15. A year later, a 12th grade boy who told an 8th-grade-me it was weird how I didn’t always shave hairs above my knees. I was “too hairy” for a girl, as it was. A woman I was dating who pointed out the hairs I missed along my bikini line in front of her friends– I should start waxing and stop wearing high-waisted bikinis too, she said.

My male friend went on to say I shouldn’t expect or try to force people to be attracted to women with armpit hair, which was interesting. He might as well have said that by default, her existence and the mere sight of her was as a sexual, consumable object rather than a human-being with autonomy.

For whatever reason, a fair deal of my male friends belittle me when I use phrases like that: a human-being with autonomy.

My male friend told me there are bigger problems in the world than women deciding they need armpit hair now. He went on to brag about the various times he’s been attracted to women who don’t fit the conventional molds of what society deems as attractive.

2018

This is going to be THE YEAR–

the year I’m finally as concerned about my finances, my overall future, my contribution(s) to the world, my need to break away from stagnancy and seek endless opportunities for growth…

As much as I cared about coming to terms with being a lesbian for the past 2+ years. Cheers to realizing I have a much better view of myself now and am continuing to learn how to be even more confident– as it suddenly becomes quite clear how much other shit I’ve neglected a bit too often.